A useful care-preference record preserves your parent's own priorities and shows where the family is still uncertain. Ask permission to have the conversation, offer questions in manageable pieces, and distinguish their words from your interpretation. The result should help prospective providers understand the person; it should not turn a family member's opinion into a decision supposedly made by the parent.
This interview worksheet is for organizing a care search. It is not a legal directive, an assessment of decision-making ability, or permission to override someone. If there is a question about decision-making authority or communication support, obtain appropriate professional guidance rather than resolving it through a family vote.
Ask how the conversation should happen
Begin with the process: “Would you like to talk about what would make daily life comfortable if you needed more help?” Offer a shorter conversation, another time, a written page, or the presence of a trusted person. Explain what you will do with the notes and ask what should remain private. A parent may agree to discuss preferences without agreeing to a move.
Choose a setting where the person can hear, see, and participate as comfortably as possible. Use the communication methods they already prefer. Do not interpret a slow answer as permission to finish their sentence. If the person asks you to write for them, read the notes back and invite corrections.
Start with an ordinary day
Broad questions such as “What kind of facility do you want?” can be difficult when someone has never lived in one. Instead, ask about familiar routines. What makes a morning go well? When do they like company? Which activities feel meaningful? What makes receiving help comfortable or uncomfortable?
Keep prompts open enough for unexpected answers. A relative might be focused on a large room while the parent cares more about being able to call a friend privately. Another person may prefer help offered quietly rather than in front of others. These details are useful because they can become specific questions on a tour.
Separate direct statements from interpretations
Use three columns labeled “Parent said,” “Our interpretation,” and “Question to confirm.” Put only actual words or an agreed paraphrase in the first column. If you cannot remember the exact words, do not use quotation marks. In the interpretation column, acknowledge what you inferred and why it still needs confirmation.
For a fictional example, a parent might say, “I don't want people organizing every minute.” The family could interpret this as a preference for flexible activities. The follow-up question is: “Would you like activities you can choose from, with the option to spend time alone?” This extra step prevents an understandable concern from being translated into “does not enjoy social contact.”
Explore what matters and what can change
Invite the person to sort preferences into “very important,” “would like,” “could discuss,” and “not sure.” These are conversation categories, not a scoring system. They help distinguish a deeply held priority from a tentative idea formed before the person has seen any options.
- Personal space: What privacy, belongings, and quiet time matter?
- Daily rhythm: Which waking, meal, rest, and evening habits are important?
- Relationships: Who does the person want to see or contact?
- Communication: How should staff explain choices and offer assistance?
- Identity: Which language, cultural, spiritual, or personal practices should be discussed?
Do not assume a preference is unimportant because the family cannot immediately find a matching home. Record it accurately, then investigate what is possible. Conversely, do not promise that every preference will be available. A respectful record can say, “Important to the person; arrangements not yet confirmed.”
Use care information with permission
The CDC's care-plan guidance recommends beginning the planning conversation with the person receiving care and respecting their privacy. The preference interview here is a separate family tool. It does not require sharing a complete medical history with every provider you contact.
Discuss which information a prospective home needs at each stage. A general preference about quiet mornings may be appropriate for an initial conversation. More sensitive records may belong in a formal assessment process with appropriate access and consent. Keep the working interview out of public reviews, open group chats, and casually forwarded email chains.
Record disagreement without rewriting the answer
When the family disagrees, preserve both positions. A parent might prioritize staying near a longtime friend while an adult child prioritizes a shorter drive. Write each concern separately, including who expressed it. Do not combine them into a sentence saying “we prefer a convenient location” if there is no actual agreement.
Then ask a practical question: “What would help us understand this tradeoff?” The answer could be testing the journey, asking the friend about visits, or seeing an alternative location. Evidence can clarify a disagreement without requiring someone to declare a winner during the interview.
Some disagreements cannot be settled by a tour or a spreadsheet. If the discussion involves authority, coercion, or an unresolved clinical concern, pause the decision and seek appropriate help. The record should show the issue remains open. It should not imply that a majority of siblings can supply an answer the parent has not given.
Create a provider-facing version together
After the conversation, offer to produce a short version for providers. Begin with strengths and ordinary preferences, then list questions that need discussion. Let the parent remove details they do not want included. Where another person has supplied information, attribute it rather than presenting everything as the parent's own report.
A useful provider question might be: “She values time alone after lunch. How would you discuss that preference while planning any assistance she needs?” This invites a practical explanation. It is more revealing than asking whether the home respects independence, a phrase that can mean very different things to different people.
Keep a dated change record
Preferences can evolve after someone sees a place, experiences a change in support, or learns what an option involves. Date the record and note who participated. When updating it, identify the specific change rather than replacing the old version without explanation. A later reader should be able to distinguish a new preference from a corrected misunderstanding.
Do not demand consistency as proof that a person knows what they want. Families also revise their opinions after learning more. If a change seems confusing, ask a neutral question about what influenced it. Leave room for ambivalence: “Interested in a smaller setting but unsure about sharing common space” can be a truthful and useful entry.
Finish with a short read-back
Close by reading the main points in plain language. Ask, “What did I miss?” and “Is there anything here you do not want shared?” Confirm the next step and who will take it. Avoid ending the conversation with an unexpected commitment to move, tour, or sign documents.
When you review residential-care options, bring the agreed questions into conversations about actual locations. A directory can help identify possibilities, but it cannot establish that a preference will be honored or that a service is appropriate. Your parent's record is most valuable when it keeps their voice visible throughout that verification process, including when the family is rushed or disagrees.
Keep a clean copy accessible to the person, in the format they prefer, so the document remains theirs to question and revise.
Sources and how to use this guide
Prepared by Adult Family Homes team with AI assistance. This is an educational planning resource, not an individual care assessment or a claim of clinical or legal review. Confirm the person's needs with the appropriate professionals and verify a provider's identity, services, costs and availability directly.
- Steps for Creating and Maintaining a Care Plan — Limited attributed guidance on involving the care recipient, privacy, and organizing care information; no outcome claims. Source accessed 2026-09-12.
Continue your care planning
- How to Write a One-Page Care Brief Before Calling Residential Homes
- The First Care-Home Phone Call: A Script That Saves Unnecessary Tours
When you are ready to compare providers, browse the residential care directory and contact homes directly to verify services, costs, availability and fit.